I’ve been fortunate enough to be asked by Rachel to contribute to her blog and website. So why me and not you? I hear you ask.... Well, OK, I heard that in my head and not in reality... but the voices are always telling me to do something after all!
and this time it was to smoke and drink beer.....!
Yes indeed..... dreams come true..... the voices told me to go forth and smoke and drink beer! Hurrah! What more could I wish for? Well maybe strippers to be added to that list but hey... you cant always win!
Of course my voices aren’t like any old voices, oh no! That would be far to easy, they like to make me work for it....
So... going back in time, a few months ago I had my first dabble into home made beer. I had obviously had the usual 70s experience where home made home made wine was the thing and was made with the same style, grace and success as your average suburban tupperware party and much later in life experienced a home made still, making booze that was more akin to cleaning products, but that was at her majesties pleasure so we don't talk about that ok!
But still, after reading some things, er somewhere, probably in the place where you read things, I had this nagging voice in the back of my head telling me to make beer!
So with a little trepidation, a lot of excitement, a shedload of grandiose ideas that were never going to happen and mouse in hand, I ventured forth to the myriad of sites that google vomited forth for my consideration. After a few billion sites, a serious sprained thumb and carpel tunnel from clicking the mouse I had surmised that there seem to be an unending array of advice, probably good, plus information and sales that to be honest I really couldn't be arsed to wade through.
So I threw my hat in with the very helpful crowd at www.the-online-homebrew-company.co.uk and after some longing looks at the multitude of beers that mentally I was already brewing and drinking I put my hand deep into my pocket (Im a Yorkshireman!) and threw down the sum of £69.99 for an entire kit, bucket, barrel, beer kit and all the other paraphernalia I was to need!
The kit arrived and I busily got started, the instructions where easy to follow, the beer kit that came with the rest of the bits was Woodfords Wherry, a beer that I had had as a guest ale in pubs previously, so I felt I at least knew how it should taste. That way I would have had some guide to taste and quality when it was done. I also used glucose powder in the this beer instead of sugar as I had read, in er, that place again... that it made for a better flavour.
Well 8 weeks later and the first pint was drawn, and to my utter and honest astonishment, the beer was actually ok! Very VERY drinkable! It wouldn't win any awards but, YES! it was drinkable, an abv of 4.6% and my first attempt was actually clear! No lumps, no strange creatures of unknown biological origin swimming in the glass and no strange floaty bits that remind us of thin us we will never ever want to share with others!
I wish I had some pics to share of the kit and the beer itself but alas as it was my first attempt the film crew had left and gone somewhere on location with supermodels and where consequently unavailable for work! Allegedly!
Well this was it! If its this easy.... Then I’m was going to be self sufficient, maybe make a 2 tap bar in the shed, maybe a pub with all my own beer! Yes I’ll do it all! and all the other plans we instantly promise ourselves until we wake up the following morning with the hangover from hell, very little memory of the last 12 hours and simultaneously vowing never to drink home made beer again!
Well, I did decide to do it again! Of course I did! Duh! It was so easy the first time how could I not? But this time I thought I would be a little more discerning, I went back to the website and went for a ‘Beers of the World’ kit. This kit at first glance is cheaper but actually only makes 10 litres as opposed to the 50 pints the Wherry kit made! It was a Belgian Trappist Ale, came with the inclusion of candied sugar to use rather than sugar.
ALthough my first mistake with this one was NOT to read all the instructions! Resulting in a rather mad panic to get enough brown beer bottles to bottle the required 10 litres! Well I had to resort to the age old but highly successful method of going to the supermarket and buying good ale in brown bottles I could reuse and then going home to empty the contents.
A couple of headaches later I had the required bottles and got busy priming the bottles with candied sugar and bottling the beer. As christmas was looming and I was doing my usual unprepared panic at all the people (namely everyone) I had neglected to buy presents for I ended up giving about two thirds of this beer away, all labeled best drunk on or after 1st feb 2010. Well christmas was over, a new year in and the beer was on a shelf and forgotten about. Until this week that is. For some unknown reason I was nervous about this batch, convincing myself that it was going to be undrinkable crap! I popped the cap off the first bottle and was instantly covered in foam, white clear and healthy!
The head was impressive (oh stop giggling!) and the beer was clear! It smelt good, and it tasted superb, the clarity of Duvel, a back note like Leffe blond, deceptively light, it had an abv of just over 8%, it went down like a cheap hoo........ sorry! ahem.....It went down very well! too well really, at 8% it was going to be serious hangover juice (and I wasn't wrong there!) The only downside..... I had given most of it away for christmas!
I thoroughly recommend making this beer.... Its easy and comes out a treat!
Hell I thoroughly recommend making ANY beer! The kits are cheap and they’re easy! Obey a few basic rules and you cannot fail!
So, basic rules for making good homebrew....
Rule 1: Make damn sure EVERYTHING is sterilised!
Rule 2: Use bottled spring water NOT tap water, its a minor inconvenience for the difference to taste.
Rule 3: See Rule 1
Rule 4: Don't drink it early... it will taste like arse!
My next to be bottled is a Pils, so I may let you know how that comes out.
I’ll also regale you with tales of my smoking escapades at a later date...
